Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Monday, 26th April – The day after/364 days to go

Having hardly been able to move the evening before, some sort of healing miracle has happened overnight and I’m pretty mobile again. Not jumping and dancing mobile and definitely not running mobile, but no longer in danger of being carted off in a wheelchair.

We leave the hotel and head for the tube station. Get off the tube early and head for a large Waterstones as we’ve got time to kill and a bit of a walk will do me good.

Get the train in the afternoon and take an uneventful trip home. The boys went under their own steam yesterday evening as they have school/college today. On the trip home I try and organise my thoughts. People I know will have three questions. How did it go? Was I happy with my time? Will I do it again? None of these questions is as straightforward as they might be. Or am I overcomplicating things? It was a wonderful experience, I was happy with my time and I would do it again. But all answers have reservations.

I had a Plan B for if I didn’t make it to the start line and I had a Plan B for if I blew up towards the end of the race. I didn’t have a Plan B for it going wrong at the start of the race.

Most of my pre-race knowledge came from really good runners who start from the “Good For Age” pen. They’re coming through the start line 20 seconds after the start and are running with a bunch of other fast runners with a limited number of equally fast runners ahead of them. When they talk about London or Berlin being “fast” they mean fast for runners who can get on with it.

I finished 4,610th. I started at the back of pen 4 at the blue start. I don’t have the stats or the wherewithal to work it out, but I must have gone through the blue start with 10,000 runners ahead of me. When I got to the three mile mark, another 5,000 runners from the red start hit the tarmac ahead of me. That’s an awful lot of concentrating on overtaking to drain the mental energies with the changes of pace depleting the physical batteries. When I got some clear(ish) space in the last third of the race I didn’t have enough left to really go for it, but I was still going past people at the end of the race.

Stats are these:

5K 00:26:42
10K 00:23:56
15K 00:24:47
20K 00:24:36
25K 00:24:52
30K 00:24:56
35K 00:25:35
40K 00:25:02
2k Finish 00:10:54

1st HALF 01:45:18
2nd HALF 01:46:02

place (total) 4,610 out of 36,522
place (gender) 4,052 out of 24,423
place (M50 - M54) 302 out of 1,850

I didn’t quite manage a negative split, but got closer than anyone I know except Tom.

I note from the results that Rachel and Mark crossed the timing mat 15 minutes after the start. This must have been a planned move as Rachel has done London twice before so it will be interesting to hear their experiences.

The reality is it was unlikely that I’d give of my best in my first marathon, particularly a Big City marathon. I’m told it’s a day recovery for every mile so I guess I won’t be pulling up any trees for the next few weeks. But 5ks, 10ks and anything up to 10 miles all sound good to me.

So Chris has done London or maybe London has done Chris. I seem to recall Tom saying that statistically “serial” marathon runners achieve their best times on marathon eight or nine. At my age that’s a bit too much for me but I’ll look around for a less busy autumn marathon that fits with my current running commitments. If not I may have to visit the most awful place in England and run the Blackpool marathon next April. Either way this is blog complete …… but I may be back.

The Twenty First Photo


Home at last and with the gold medal. Am I Kenyan? Was it a dream? Did I win? No. Yes and No. Yes. Of course, we all won because it’s not about beating anyone else for 99.9% of us. The race is long and in the end it’s only with yourself as Mary Schmich has told us. How was it for me? There’s no glib one line answer. Running 26.2 miles as fast as you can is both a terrific achievement and absolutely bonkers. There are conflicts and inconsistencies throughout. I had a great time, it was a life affirming experience and I’m really glad I did it. I couldn’t say the experience was all good, though. I did the best I could under the circumstances, but I feel I can do better. The marathon is definitely not my distance but I feel I’ve got unfinished business with it. But if circumstances are such that I never run one again or never run one as fast as this again then I’m happy to have 3:31:20 on my running cv.

The Twentieth Photo


The Four Stars Hotel, Paddington. Or should that be No Stars Hotel? It was fine for what we wanted. At £89 for a double room for two nights you don’t expect luxury. I’d stay here or one of the dozens of other local hotels again. The room came with shower and no bath and I could really have done with immersing my tired bod in cool water after the race. Apart from that everything else was fine.

It was quiet and clean and the staff were friendly. It was reasonably handy for getting round. Once you have to get on a tube it’s not that important where you are anyway, in my view. I’d come and watch in the future and I’d also come and marshal; don’t know what Gill and Sharron did after they’d finished seeing runners into the restricted areas. Don’t know when Steve and Becky got released from their baggage duties, but they were in the pub for 2.30, so that can’t be bad.

The Nineteenth Photo


Happy loving couple. Why not? This marathon has really taken over my life even though I’ve been very much a low mileage trainer. Thanks to Liz for all the support and making the practical side happen. The London Marathon really is spectacular and I can’t believe how naïve we both were. I honestly didn’t realise I wouldn’t be able to run my own race at my own pace because of the number of other runners and where I was starting from. Neither of us realised that the whole of the city seems to come out and watch and that as a watcher you can’t really flit about from one place to another with any great certainty. There’s a real dichotomy in choosing a place to spectate in that the spectator wants a great carnival atmosphere and the runner wants to see and hear support from their loved ones. There were plenty of places en route where a spectator could have rocked up with folding chair and six pack with a clear view of all the runners. Convenient shrubbery for comfort break and away you go. However, there would have not been much of a buzz as most such places were none too attractive.

The Eighteenth Photo


Phew. It’s all over and the family have found me. Had momentary panic that I’d been abandoned and left destitute when Liz wasn’t there at the meet and greet. Perhaps not such a great idea to leave wallet, oyster card and mobile phone with Liz rather than in baggage. Had a tenner and free transport on the tube so would have been ok if I could have remembered (a) my own name (b) the hotel name and (c) where the hotel was. After 26.2 miles I really couldn’t remember anything.

Kids not remotely interested in running themselves. Why would they? Jonathan (nephew) has done a pretty speedy half on no training but is now living the high life in “that London”. Gerry did a marathon in the black and white days – 3:45? Not keen on the idea of another one but he may be wavering; has seven half marathons booked and paid for later in the summer so difficult to see how he’d squeeze one in. Judith is Coventry parkrun’s first Runner of the Month and is very happy with 5k thank you very much. Liz? She’ll do one soon I have no doubt.

The Seventeenth Photo


Thanks to Paul Warren for this one. Hope you don’t mind me sticking it on my blog mate. This must be at mile twenty three, but I’ll have to get confirmation of that. I can’t believe I look so stiff. In my mind’s eye I’m running upright and loose limbed, breathing from the diaphragm and storming past runners who went off too quickly. If there’s anyone local who does coaching on running style and maintaining form I’d like to meet them. This reminds me of those skiing videos you get at the end of your week at ski school and the horrible reality hits you that you’re doing it all wrong and don’t look anything like Franz Klammer, or whatever the modern equivalent is. Guess you can only play the hand your dealt.

The Sixteenth Photo


Where’s Wally? Just ahead of the balloons – the only one with a white cap. Liz snapped me at Mile 19. You can count the number of runners with two feet off the ground on no hands. Welcome to my running world. I was still going ok at this stage and very pleased to have seen the family. It had been gnawing away at me that I hadn’t seen them as if it was somehow my fault. There’s so much going on all the way round it’s difficult to pick people out from the crowd. Must be even worse for spectators with restricted views identifying us individual runners. Will get a taste of this myself at Leeds half where I’m doing the supporting and Liz is doing the running. Hope I can do a decent job as she’s been brilliant for me.

Sunday, 25th April – Virgin London Marathon

Up before the alarm goes off as I’ve been lying awake for some time. Out like a light for the early part of the night, but once I woke up that was it. We’re staying in a cheap hotel just off Edgware Road. Local girls must be really friendly though as they’ve left photos and contact details in the phone box just down the road. Mighty welcoming. Have a porridge in the room as we’re not sure what will be on offer for breakfast. Top this up with scrambled eggs and beans (they didn’t do porridge).

Liz accompanies me to London Bridge and sees me off from there. You can feel the apprehension in the carriages on the tube on the way there. In spite of detailed plans for the spectators made the previous evening it’s all a bit random. They’re going to catch me at Canada Docks (mile 8) and then cross the river and get me at miles 14 and 19. Liz will then wander over and see me at the meet and greet and we’ll head off back down the course and look out for people we know. Sounds simple.

The weather is overcast and somewhat chilly. I chat with the lady next to me on the train; she’s very coy about the time she’s aiming for. I’m not sure why as I’ve never met her before and will never meet her again. Maybe it’s bad luck to speak the prophesy. Wander up from Blackheath station to the start area about an hour ahead of the start. Gill and Sharron are on gate duty ensuring all runners display their numbers and turning back non-runners from the restricted area. It’s good to see a couple of friendly faces as I’m now in a vast crowd. Make my way over to the queue for the urinals. These are a little weird and disturbing. They’re in blocks of eight and as you’re peeing one way some other bloke is directly opposite peeing your way. Not sure on urinal etiquette in these circumstances but it seems to be no eye contact and no talking. This is confirmed 15 minutes later when I need another pee. Maybe I’m more apprehensive than I thought.

It starts to rain and the wind picks up making hanging around pretty unpleasant. Decide I need the proper toilets and queue for that. Watch the elite women start on the big screen – there aren’t many of them, but they don’t half shift. Wrap myself up in the foil blanket that Liz has blagged from the Expo. Reluctantly I have to shed my non-running layers and strip down to running gear. Toy with the idea of slipping my t shirt on under my running vest for extra warmth and discarding the cap I’ve brought to protect my slap. Decide against on the basis that with the t shirt on top I can throw it away at any time. Ditto the cap.

Make my way across to Blue pen 4. Nobody checks my number which is under my t shirt to make sure this is the right pen for me. The pens are arranged 1-9 with one going off in the lead and nine to the rear. See the start on the big screen, but am so far back I wouldn’t have been aware of it otherwise. Cross the starting line in about four minutes. By the end of the first mile I know that the 3:15 target is gone. I just can’t get going. It takes 9 minutes 30 seconds to cover the first mile, we come to a dead halt three times, wait for the runners in front to move again and then get going. There’s a wall of runners in front and I can’t go any faster than they go. By the 5k mat I’m already more than three minutes behind schedule with little prospect of getting a clear run. By this time I’ve adjusted my target to 3:30. It becomes a little clearer over the next 5k, but I’m still faced with a wall of runners backs and have to concentrate hard on looking for gaps and then going through them safely.

Not surprisingly, given the numbers, I didn’t see many people I knew running. I must have gone past Michael between 6k and 7k, but didn’t see him. Similarly, with Nikos at about 16k. Did see Marisol on Tower Bridge. Recognised her from the white knee socks and Bingley Harriers vest. Note to Hyde Park Harriers vest designers; name of the club on the back is useful. Was looking out for local club vests, but they were a little thin on the ground as many runners were running in charity vests. Of course when you’re running you can only tell the club from the back of the vest. Spotted a couple of Halifax Harriers and someone from Idle AC, but not much else.

Also didn’t recognise supporters. People seem to be shouting encouragement to Chris all the way round, but not this Chris. Got cheers from the Brown family who recognised my VARR vest at about mile 8/9 – thanks for that. Heard Lizs’ voice and saw my lot at mile 18/19, which kept me going for a little burst. Wasn’t seeing much of anything by mile 23 where Jaz, Tess and Paul were stood. Thanks for the support even though I wasn’t aware of it. By this stage I was just trying to hang on to a runner from Idle AC who went past reasonably strongly at mile 22. I kept up for a while, but she got away from me by mile 24.

The hydration and nutrition strategy went out the window fairly early in that there were so many opportunities to take on water and sports drink that I just helped myself when necessary. This was virtually at every water/re-fuelling point. It was pretty muggy, especially early on. Missed the first shower, but availed myself of two others. Avoided the rest for fear of chafing. Never felt like walking; if I’d stopped to walk I’d never have got going again. Didn’t need toilet facilities; maybe there are advantages to sweating like Zinedine.

I wasn’t aware of anything hurting at all when running, just a bone tired weariness that I couldn’t seem to shake off. I thought I had a chance of 3:30 right up to mile 24, but there wasn’t much left in the tank for the last couple of miles. It was a relief to finish and not get injured. I could feel the muscles behind my knee quivering in a peculiar way towards the end so a sprint finish was not on the cards (ok I know I haven’t got a sprint finish anyway, but going slightly faster than I was going before). After crossing the line you have to go up a ramp where your chip is snipped off, you then get your medal placed round your neck and your photo taken. You are handed your goody bag and pretty much left to your own devices to collect your baggage. The baggage handlers were alert and had my bag ready for me by the time I got to my section of the lorries. This was probably not as impressive and slick as it sounds as I was moving very slowly by this point. I attempted some stretches and wolfed the Pink Lady apple from the goody bag. I wandered over to the I/J section of the meet and greet area, but no sign of Liz.

I was rooted to the spot doing groaning for about ten minutes until the family arrived. By concentrating very hard I’d managed to get out of my sweaty vest, top half dried and into a dry shirt in the ten minutes it took them to arrive. They’ve been following my progress via some sort of texting system and tell me I’ve finished in 3:31:20. I had to be helped out of running shoes and sweaty shorts and into dry shorts, which is a bit of an assault on dignity, but I didn’t care at this stage. They’d kindly brought me a baked spud with tuna’n’sweetcorn but all I could manage was the filling. No strength to cut the spud with plastic knife and no co-ordination to hold polystyrene tray and eat at the same time. Being spoon fed in public was just one step too far.

After a brief photo session Judith & Gerry had to dash as the tube system had ground to a halt and they had to go back on a specific train. Tottered to the nearest pub for my first taste of alcohol in nearly ten weeks. Pint of Strongbow that never touched the sides. Bumped into Steve and Becky from parkrun Leeds/Bradford. Eventually had to come clean and admit that I’m not Mick Hogan and never have been, though I did nearly catch him once (he was injured).

Totter off to the nearest tube station, but have to stop and lurch as foot has got cramp. Family creasing themselves at my discomfort, as I can move (once I’ve got going) but not very well or at any speed. Have to swing my leg out to get up and down mountainous kerbs. Tube station closed due to congestion. Have to shuffle to next one. It’s a nightmare. Eventually get on tube and have to change three times to get back to the hotel. Attempt to eat Mars bar from goody bag but even my jaws are so tired they won’t function properly.

Collapse into bed having sent Liz and the kids out shopping. Respond to e-mails and facebook and seek knowledge of how others have got on. I’m so tired I could sleep for hours but my body won’t let me. If I lie on my right side my right leg gets cramps. If I lie on my left side my left foot gets cramps. If I lie on my back my toes hurt. If I lie on my front everything hurts.

Eventually give it up as a bad job. Liz collects me and we make our way slowly to a Lebanese restaurant. From previous experience this will be either very good or indescribably poor. We hit lucky and food is delicious. I eat like a horse, manage a circuitous route back to get the legs going again and then sleep the sleep of the righteous.

Saturday, 24th April – 1 day to go

Reasonable nights’ kip considering pent up excitement. Suggest to Liz that we pop in and do parkrun before catching the train, but she’s not having it. Get the kids up, showered and in the car and away we go. Inevitable delays with the train on the way down and George and I are strapped for time to get to Upton Park for kick off. Dump the bags on Liz and Harry at Kings Cross and hurry across town.

Haven’t even got to the ground before the estuary accent is grating – should have packed the ipod. Comedy defending by both teams – would have fancied our division three boys from Oldham to score a couple against either defence. West Ham seemed to be nine drones, a jittery keeper and Parker. All the Wigan players looked good coming forward, but as soon as they lost the ball half of them couldn’t be arsed to do any defending and the other half went into panic mode. Treated to a typical Titus Bramble display with a mixture of sublime confidence on the ball and the occasional lapse into pub player territory.

Back across town to meet Judith & Gerry and Liz & Harry at the Cittie of Yorke pub in Holborn. Did a bit of carb loading with a veg risotto whilst Liz & Gerry did detailed planning of where they’d be on the marathon route. Dropped off kids at the hotel and then a leisurely stroll around Hyde Park as the sun went down.

Weight 70.2 kg
Total Mileage 22 miles
Long Run 10 miles
Long Run Pace 8:06
Days without alcohol 68

Haven’t put any weight back on during taper. Maybe I’ve not got enough carbs into the system. I’ve made a determined effort in the last week to eat more rice and potatoes, but maybe not enough. Would have been nice to dip below 11 stone for the first time since illness induced weight loss in 1996, maybe next week?

The Fifteenth Photo


On the train on the way down looking pretty relaxed – obviously oblivious to the pain ahead. I’ve got my go faster hair cut nothing can stop me now. Perhaps guilty of trying to cram too much into the weekend, but if I just mooched around all day then (a) would have to deal with the kids being bored, (b) would have nothing to think about but the marathon and (c) may be tempted by the demon alcohol.

At least this way I’ve got travel across our wonderful capital city and the beautiful game to occupy my tiny mind. Should Fabio call to check on the form of Green, Upson, Cole and Parker I’ll be able to give three hearty guffaws and a reluctant thumbs down for Parker. This is on the basis that the poorer the players around him the better he looks. World beater at Charlton and West Ham, ordinary at Chelsea, so bemused at the ineptitude around him at Newcastle he couldn’t play. Could have looked the part with Sven’s shambolic England but no place in Fabio’s Brave New World.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Friday, 23rd April – 2 days to go

Up several times in the night following three pints of non-alcoholic beverage. Must be an age thing. No early morning run – catching up on lost sleep from disturbed night. Manage thirty minutes easy in the evening just to remind the legs what they’re supposed to do on Sunday. It’s been another gorgeous day – maybe the weather forecasters have got it right for Sunday and it will be a warm one.

Ponder on Sophie’s maintaining contact with supporters via text at Paris and Julie is going to do the same at London. Whilst it appeals to me in knowing where the supporters are going to be, it’s not really me. I have to stick my specs on my head and concentrate hard when texting and that’s not conducive to maintaining my pace or not tripping up. Besides Liz and Gerry have got to do detailed planning over evening meal tomorrow so it will be a military operation and I’ll know exactly where they intend to be.

Loads of messages on Facebook from runners already en route or in London. Feel I’m being a slow poke by not going until tomorrow. Still, I’d rather have the extra day on Monday as travelling back on Sunday may be somewhat uncomfortable.

Give my legs up for a thorough massage at Tony’s; feel like I’m floating on air when we leave. Complete packing and itinerary. Ready to go.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

The Fourteenth Photo


So here we all are at the Stansfield Arms in Apperley Bridge at the end of our distance training course. Course leader Mick ran his Spring marathon last week at Lochaber and set a target that none of us is likely to get near – 2:59:29. Sophie has also run her marathon, two weeks ago at Paris with 4:35:31 - almost twenty five minutes faster than target. Six of us will run London this weekend – Mark, Rachel, Dairine, Julie, Nikos and me. Chris and Simon are running Sheffield half this weekend. Nikos is running the Great Wall of China Marathon in May which should be a phenomenal experience. Lisa is running Edinburgh in May. Laura and Liz are running Leeds Half on 9th May. I think Barney may be running Sheffield half and Tony may be running Leeds half, but I may have just made that up.

We all agree it’s been a great course well led and structured by Mick. It certainly got me out and running in conditions where I’d have been curled up on the sofa eating junk food accompanied by a drink or two. I met a few new people and got re-acquainted with some runners from the previous course. I’ve learnt plenty about the theory of how best to run a marathon. All that’s left is the simple task of running it. What could be easier?

Thursday, 22nd April – 3 days to go

Decide to run at lunch in order to get used to running in warmth; although it’s sunny it isn’t that warm. Just a gentle three mile jog with the last mile at marathon pace. It’s not much of a practice really but it’s good to get the legs moving.

Liz returns in the evening with my race number, kitbag and assorted freebies she’s either blagged or had thrust on her at the Marathon Expo. We then head off for the final distance training session. This one is pub based rather than doing any actual training. We were supposed to discuss the course and what went well and what could have gone better. We end up talking about distance running in general and don’t really get into a feedback session for Mick. I’m sure that the general overview for everyone is that the course went well, met our expectations and that Mick organised it well. The five of us running London find that we’re really six as Nikos is also running. He’s preparing for so many other races it’s difficult to keep track. Quite a few people are interested in working with Steve at Horsfall on track running for distance runners, so it will be interesting to see how that pans out. I’d really like to get my PB for 5k below 19:00 and my PB for 10k below 40:00, so this may be a good way of achieving that.

The Thirteenth Photo


Liz registered me today at the Marathon Expo and picked up my number and kitbag. She e-mailed a list of the freebies she picked up on her way round the Expo – I wonder how much will be left by the time she gets home!

Vaseline x 3
Foil blanket x 2
Glutenous energy bar x 3
Pink apple x 1 (eaten - sorry)
Deoderant (ladies' - sorry again)
Deoderant (man's)
Sticker x 1
Low fat crisp substitutes x 1
Can of beer x 1
Yazoo (strawberry) x 1
Sugar free sweetie x 1
Massage gel (sachet) x 1
Pen x 1
Plastic kit bags x 3

It’s beginning to feel real now. Started taking on board plenty of water and carbs. One short run tomorrow. Relaxing massage and away we go.

Wednesday, 21st April – 4 days to go

Rest day. Liz has set off for an overnighter in London and should return tomorrow with both our train tickets and my number and kitbag. I’m sorry not to be going round the Exhibition, but would have had to drag the kids round on Saturday afternoon and they’d have been bored – maybe another year.

Decide to make lists and sort out the stuff I’ll need for the weekend. New(ish) running shoes already look grey so scrub them up. Not exactly good as new, but should be comfortable as I’ve done about a hundred miles in them. Chat on phone with UK based brother – he tells me the forecast is for a warm one – sunny intervals and 22°C for Sunday. Bugger – I’ll have to go with the cap and sunscreen then, no doubt including the sweaty sunscreen in the eyes routine. Do I need the micro towel for drying off? Aim to run through the en route showers and use running vest as towel would seem to be the better option.

Believe it was a hot one last year and the times looked ok so hopefully warm weather won’t adversely affect my performance. We ran Sheffield half last year and I do seem to recall running extra distance to try and get as much shade as possible. It’s probably a balancing act between shade, quickest line and not tripping over other runners by doing bizarre changes of direction.

I’m packed and ready to go with four days to go. I’ve never been this organised.

The Twelfth Photo


Four days to go and I’ve already got my gear together. This must be a sign of restlessness and inability to settle rather than good organisation. I’m all prepared for a warm one, though I will be packing other running stuff just in case. Is it OTT to pack a spare of everything? Probably.

One thing I’m struggling with is this advice to take some old clothes so I can discard them at the start line. Don’t they know I’m from Yorkshire? I never throw things away. Old clothes come in handy for gardening and DIY – even if they no longer fit or are decidedly dated. Decide on a “spare” shirt from this year’s Bradford 10k when they gave me two. I can justify discarding this on several grounds (1) It’s dull (2) It’s exactly the same design as last year (3) I’ve got two anyway (4) It’s Bradford Town Hall and they’re the useless dullards responsible for ripping out the heart of the city in the sixties and seventies. Bradford town planners achieved what the Luftwaffe couldn’t do. Tossers. Rant over.

Anyway, proper racing gear with vest and shorts. None of this winter training nonsense with loads of layers and hats and gloves. Maybe I should pack them though. You never can tell with the British weather.

Tuesday, 20th April – 5 days to go

Run club with VARR in the evening. Groups 4 and 5 combine and there are nine of us. Michael has dropped into group 3 to save his legs; he must be mad, they work harder than we do. We run something that Rick refers to as the Bramley 10k. This sounded somewhat daunting as I know Bramley is further away than that. We run away from the city and go past the Abbey and on towards Horsforth. We drop down Newlay Lane and cross the river and canal – on bridges I hasten to add. After that we run up Pollard Lane. “Up” is the operative word we climb either three or four hills or possibly just one very long hill with some slightly flatter bits. Either way I’m knackered by the time we reach the top. We don’t get as far as Bramley (phew). We head back towards Leeds on Bradford old Road before crossing the canal again near BHS/Allders. Apparently it’s exactly 10k from bus stop to bus stop just up from the gym. Seemed further.

Russ is very chipper – seems to be suffering no ill effects from Paris. He’s confident he can find the three and a bit minutes needed to make good for age. A couple of the areas for improvement are specific Paris ones I’ve read from others – spectators converging onto the course causing bottlenecks, difficulties with overtaking wheelchair athletes (their helpers more than the athletes themselves). He also reckons there’s about 4 miles of cobbles which my knees don’t fancy at all. Tips I can take away though are taking water and gels regularly along the way and not stopping for a pee, though that one may be a little more difficult.

Chatting with the group has put me into a more positive frame of mind and it should be good to meet up with familiar faces before, during and after the race. It’s been a good session and done at a challenging (for me) pace. It’s far more cheerful to be running in a group and it’s most welcome to be returning to base in the light. Those dark winter days are now behind us and the ice and snow a distant memory. Bring on a summer of running.

Monday, 19th April – 6 days to go

Have a brutal session at Tony’s. Upper body followed by assisted stretches. This time he really pushes my legs considerably further than I feel they should go. I’m doing some stretching/yoga unassisted, but clearly not enough and not well enough.

I’m just waiting for the marathon to happen now. Mick did 3:59:29 at Lochaber on Sunday (twenty fifth from 300 odd) and Andrew from parkrun/Abbey did a 3:45 at Blackpool the previous week. I’d really like to get mine done now so I can get on with the rest of my life. No doubt I’ll get in the mood closer to the day itself.

I feel that training has gone really well and that I’m in good shape for the start line. I need to get a more positive mental attitude going though as I’m anticipating injury, illness or accident to throw a spanner in the works rather than enjoying the build up.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Sunday, 18th April – 7 days to go

Liz has got a run planned as part of preparation for the Leeds half so I drop her off in Meanwood/Woodhouse so she can run up the hill that is part of the course. She hasn’t decided how far she’s going as she has options when she gets to Eccup. I get back, watch the end of the grand prix and set off towards Leeds on the A660. Through Golden Acre Park and out towards Eccup.

Liz and I cross just this side of the rezza in the field that is sometimes boggy, but today is dry and dusty. I’m aiming for 90 minutes easy exactly one week away from the Big Day. This run is similar to what I consider to be my first marathon training run on 14th February, though I’ll only be going round the rezza once on this run. It’s a lovely Spring day and although it’s mid-morning there’s still plenty of birdsong and things to distract me from listening to my own wheezing. I’m looking forward to cutting down on training as each run seems to stay with me for a couple of days. Although yesterdays’ run was only 5k, I did go quite hard and I can feel it in my legs today.

The water level is surprisingly low for this time of year. Make a mental note to keep the garden watered throughout May/June in case there are hosepipe bans later in the Summer. Don’t cross with Liz on the other side of the rezza so she must have taken the shorter option. Golden Acre Park is heaving and I guess dodging prams, buggies, scooters, dogs, expandable leads and toddlers will be good practice for the first few miles at London. I’m not expecting those kind of obstacles, just other runners getting in my way. They won’t be doing it on purpose, they just won’t realise it’s all about me and my time. Get back in just over eighty minutes and run the last mile quite hard. When I check on my training programme I find that I should have just done sixty minutes. Oh well, it’s just a guide and I enjoyed the run.

The Eleventh Photo


What kind of saddo keeps his old race numbers …… me, of course. I know it’s risible but I can’t stop myself from keeping them. The point is that races are the bit I enjoy and the training is the penalty I have to pay in order to race. I like a solo run in the country, but lumbering up and down the main road is not a source of joy for me. I guess that’s why I could never be a triathlete (apart from the obvious deficiencies in both swimming and cycling). Triathletes really like training; it’s an end in itself, whereas for me it’s just a pain that has to be got through to get to a race in reasonable nick.

From time to time this week I’ve been fed up with waiting for the marathon to start. I’m ready – let’s do it today! So I thought I’d get my race numbers out and start looking forward to races to come and running them quicker than last time. I felt I was running well last August/September, but I’ve not really run a completely satisfying race since Bradford City Run 10 mile last October. Injury, niggles, bad weather and poor tactics have all contributed to performances less than my best. Trimpell felt good, but for me it was preparation for VLM not really a race. I believe that I can run all races quicker next time than I did last time. I’m not really treating London Marathon as a race in that I won’t ever feel that I’m going quickly; the objective is to finish at the same speed as I start, so no change of pace, no trying to overtake other runners etc.

First up after the marathon is the John Carr 5k series – that’s more my distance. Think I can do better than last year as long as VLM is out of my legs. Not sure how long that will take, but Russ is doing 5ks faster than ever so fingers crossed that I can be on top form at Esholt on 5th May.

Monday, 19 April 2010

Saturday, 17th April – 8 days to go

We get up early and drive across to Lister Park for the inaugural Bradford parkrun. Only takes about ten minutes longer than getting to Hyde Park. We leave the car on the street as we’re not sure if there are any on site facilities. It’s a glorious sunny day, though slightly chilly. The park looks delightful; they don’t half do good parks in Bradford. There are plenty of familiar faces both amongst the runners and the helpers as quite a few Leeds parkrunners have made it across to see what Bradford has to offer. Chris and Barney from the Thursday group are running and are talking about volunteering next week.

Rob gets us off to a timely start after putting his own stamp on the starting instructions. There’s no getting away from it, there is a hill and you do have to run up it three times. However, you only run up about a third of it before you turn off onto a slightly uphill straight. You then get the benefit of the downhill and then a run along a slightly downhill straight at the bottom. The finish line is a bit of a beast as it’s a short uphill and I imagine I’d regularly be overtaken on this bit if I was to run here regularly.

I finish ninth in just shy of 20 minutes and for one week at least I’m record holder for my age group. I held the record for my age group for a single week at Leeds, before Bernie took the honour. Henry and Marcellus then took it way beyond my capabilities. It’s unexpected here as Henry was running, but fortunately he’s hit 55 and is no longer in my age group.

Jaz does timer and Tom hands out the tokens while Helen does photography. Great support from Julie at the corner at the foot of the hill right where you need a bit of a boost.

I needn’t have run a warm down lap as the “café” is a brisk walk away up a vertical climb. There’s a café in the park so hopefully they’ll open that up on a Saturday morning once they see that there’s enough business to make it worth their while.

Weight 70.9 kg
Total Mileage 29 miles
Long Run 14 miles
Long Run Pace 8:33
Days without alcohol 61

Friday, 16th April – 9 days to go

Up to Tony’s for yet another sports massage. Tony gives me a thorough working over and I feel a lot looser as a result.

Have been thinking about some advice from Sam from Tuesday about mental preparation. I’m hoping that I won’t need to summon any mental strength in the first three quarters of the race, but I know the last quarter is going to be tough. Sam’s advice is about remembering feelings and emotions from runs that have gone well in the past and converting this into positive energy when the going gets tough. Being a male accountant of a certain age, getting in touch with emotions is not entirely comfortable territory so I’ll park this for now and consider the more practical aspects of getting round.

Thinking about churning out 26 and a bit miles is somewhat daunting. I need to break it down into manageable chunks. I intend to approach the run as eight consecutive 5ks followed by a bit of a dash for the finishing line. As long as each 5k is at 23 minutes plus or minus 30 seconds I’ll simply be able to mentally log each one as they’re completed and concentrate on the next one. Without noticeably changing pace, I’ll balance up any that are slightly faster than target with ones that are slightly slower, so I’m always there or thereabouts.

Not sure what I’ll do if I start to slip behind schedule; try and go faster? Think about form, try and hang onto anyone who overtakes and mentally chastise myself seem to be the familiar tactics. I haven’t tried to visualise previous good performance when things haven’t gone to plan in the past, so I’m not sure I’m ready to start now.

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Thursday, 15th April – 10 days to go

Takes the best part of the day to complete the garden project – although gardening is never complete as you’re always fighting a losing battle with nature. It’s the smallest lawn in the world, but brings back happy memories of putting the lawn in at our last house, where my dad played a blinder.

In the evening we head off for distance training. After a warm up we head down to Peel Park and do a fartlek session. It’s a bit random for me as I’ve never really got the hang of fartlek, but it’s something I wouldn’t do on a solo run so that’s got to be beneficial. Follow up with a sports massage from a student who needs a hundred hours of flying before she gets her pilot’s licence or something. She’s ably supported by Nikos and they agree that my calves are tight. Do get to follow the advice from a recent Tony’s Trials to the question “Do you stretch?” “Not as much as I should do” accompanied by self-deprecating chuckle. Trouble is, I don’t stretch as much as I should do. After managing fifty three and a half years without a massage I’m now getting more massages than I can shake a stick at. Should have taken up marathon training years ago.

Sophie brings in her medal from Paris, but wisely avoids fartlekking. Her actual chip time was 4:35 a full twenty five minutes faster than target. Blimey, that’s setting a standard that the rest of us will struggle to match. Mark seems to have recovered from injury and is looking sharp. I think there are five of us tackling London, but I’m not sure what targets people have set themselves. I’ve been guilty of what Tom calls “target creep” where I’ve set an initial target and then because things have gone ok, I’ve moved the target forwards. I know I’m unlikely to run 3:15 unless everything goes perfectly on the day, but I’d still be delighted with my original target of 3:30.

Wednesday, 14th April – 11 days to go

We were supposed to be heading up Dales to do some of our favourite walks, but for various reasons it hasn’t happened. Unfortunately I won’t get to do the two walks I’d been most looking forward to for a week or so. One of the favourites is Arncliffe to Kettelwell and back including either café or pub in Kettlewell. Another is taking Whernside from behind. Long walk to Dent from the top of Whernside and then with choice of two great cafés or two average pubs.

Instead we have a gardening project. A bit like Rosemary and Thyme, though we’re not expecting to solve any murders. I’d be Fliss (before she was botoxed to buggary) meaning Liz would have to be Pam Ferris. Wonder if “botoxed to buggary” is now an accepted medical term – will have to get Liz to check the latest Kumar & Clark. We dismantled and dumped the trampoline a couple of months ago – it had become a death trap. We’ve had an empty circular space and have had discussions about what to do with it. Liz wanted a lawn and I didn’t know what I wanted, but didn’t want a lawn. So we’re having a lawn.

Seem to remember on Marathon Talk a couple of weeks ago that now (mid-taper) is not the time to be taking on projects. Sod it. We’ve got time off and need a project to keep us busy. We spend the whole day at it (after sleeping in past eight o’clock), with at least another half day to completion. Lifting the bark chippings, digging over the soil, loading up the turf, unloading the turf and carting it down to the bottom of the garden mean we’re both shattered by evening. Physical work isn’t half demanding and seems to be using different muscles than the one’s we use for running.

Tuesday, 13th April – 12 days to go

Do cursory stretching despite making resolution to sort out my inflexibility. Will have to put more effort in or I’ll really suffer post marathon.

Join the VARR boys and girls for an evening session. Get there a little late and Rick’s in full flow. Have a quick word with Helen and Russ; they seem agreed that it was somewhere between miles 19 and 22 that got them. Not sure how I can avoid that other than skipping from mile 18 to 23 – not literally skipping ‘cos that would look silly, though you can’t half move quickly if you adopt the skipping technique (when nobody’s looking). Had a chat with Andy Scott earlier in the day – he reckons when he’s failed to bring it home it’s usually down to nutrition/hydration. A gel every twenty minutes is his recommendation. This seems a bit extreme, but with the Lucozade sports stations and gel stations it may be possible to get some sort of nutrition into the system pretty regularly. Also need to bear in mind the “don’t do anything different” advice though. The main reason for not gulping down gels on my long runs is financial rather than choice. Must look at buying in bulk if I ever do this again.

Helen is not dressed for running but demonstrates her post marathon shuffle. Russ just seems to be running normally. He obviously didn’t run the marathon hard enough! Michael and I have a quick chat and decide to use Helen as role model post London.

Groups 4 and 5 are combined and I tag along and find myself on the canal at Armley Mills. Déjà vu. Blimey my computer speaks French; pity it couldn’t manage some simple Spanish the other day. We head out of town as a group at a brisk pace and turn round after three miles and charge back. I’m surprisingly chipper considering how knackered I was after Mondays’ run. Put it down to competitive spirit as I certainly wouldn’t have gone back that fast on my own. Thanks Sam for keeping me going. Not sure how useful a fast fifth mile at London would be, but you never know.

Monday, 12th April – 13 days to go

Up early for my two hour run. Wolf down beans on toast and porridge and then jump in the car and head for Armley Mills. Couldn’t face the prospect of running up and down the A660 in rush hour so have decided a canalside run will be more civilised. As soon as I set off I’m immediately dodging cyclists; there’s an endless stream of them heading into the city. I guess it was predictable, but I didn’t give it any thought. Make a mental note to avoid rush hour for future canal towpath runs.

I have no specific target, just to run out for one hour, turn round and run back. End up turning round at Apperley Bridge. Convince myself I’ll be back in 50/55 minutes as it’s downhill on the way back. That’s not the way it turns out though as I’m not moving as quickly as I’d like and I have to put the foot down for the last two miles to make sure I’m back in an hour.

I’m knackered again. Perhaps I shouldn’t have told myself that the 22 miler last Monday was my last long run as two hours is a long run in my book. Maybe I need another category – very long run – to describe those runs approaching twenty miles and over.

In the evening Liz is back from her pampering spa weekend and we head off to Tony’s. My exercise consists of “assisted stretches”. I get into a position and stretch something as far as it will go, then Tony helps by stretching it further. This is unbelievably painful and it’s clear that I’ve lost flexibility and suppleness. Chris must try harder.

This tapering is not as restful as I was expecting. I’ve got two Tuesday group sessions, one Thursday group session, a 5k time trial, a couple of thirty minute sessions and a 90 minute easy to go. Should be able to get through that without too much of a strain, but it’s still more than I would do if I wasn’t marathon training.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Monday, 12th April – 13 days to go

Up early for my two hour run. Wolf down beans on toast and porridge and then jump in the car and head for Armley Mills. Couldn’t face the prospect of running up and down the A660 in rush hour so have decided a canalside run will be more civilised. As soon as I set off I’m immediately dodging cyclists; there’s an endless stream of them heading into the city with nobody heading out to the country. Make a mental note to avoid rush hour for future canal towpath runs.

I have no specific target, just to run out for one hour, turn round and run back. End up turning round at Apperley Bridge. Convince myself I’ll be back in 50/55 minutes as it’s downhill on the way back. That’s not the way it turns out though as I have to put the foot down for the last two miles to make sure I’m back in an hour.

I’m knackered again. Perhaps I shouldn’t have told myself that the 22 miler last Monday was my last long run as two hours is a long run in my book. Maybe I need another category – very long run – to describe those runs approaching twenty miles and over.

In the evening Liz is back from her pampering spa weekend and we head off to Tony’s. My exercise consists of “assisted stretches”. I get into a position and stretch something as far as it will go, then Tony helps by stretching it further. This is unbelievably painful and it’s clear that I’ve lost flexibility and suppleness. Chris must try harder.

This tapering is not as restful as I was expecting. I’ve got two Tuesday group sessions, one Thursday group session, a 5k time trial, a couple of thirty minute sessions and a 90 minute easy to go. Should be able to get through that without too much of a strain.

Sunday, 11th April – 14 days to go

Someone has sneaked in during the night and stolen both my energy and my motivation. When the alarm goes off to wake me for my two hour run I just about have enough oomph to reach over, switch it off and mutter “manana”. Perhaps two speedy (for me) 5ks in three days has been enough to drain my batteries. In any case the weather forecast yesterday evening said sunny for Sunday and not so sunny for Monday so I resolve to rise first thing Monday and hammer out a two hour run.

Indulge in a day of gardening doing the kind of things that “real” gardeners did over the winter (smug bastards). Convince myself that wrestling with plants that don’t want to be moved has probably been beneficial for abs and upper body.

Check out the times for the Paris Marathon. Russ 3:18, Sophie 4:48 and Helen, who’s slipped in a bonus marathon, 3:29. Leaves me feeling somewhat uneasy as both Russ and Helen were aiming for a 3:15 – the same target as my A plan (if everything goes perfectly during training and on the day). As they’re both fitter than me and have been the distance before I may have to revise my plans. Will have to investigate further when they return.

Saturday, 10th April – 15 days to go

It’s a lovely sunny day and I get to the store at parkrun to help with setting up. Fortunately a couple of old hands have turned up to help so I’m able to (a) run and (b) take no responsibility for the results. It’s a “bunny run” in support of St Gemma’s and there’s a record turnout.

Don’t warm up for anywhere near as long or as thoroughly as I should do, but get off to a reasonable start and maintain a good pace throughout. I’m more or less running in my own bubble as there’s nobody I know around me.

I wasn’t wearing a watch, just tried to get a reasonably quick start and then a steady run from there. Think it was about 19:45, but results not yet posted. I’m pleased with that as my PB is 19:13 and I haven’t been under 20:00 all year. When the marathon is out of the way ……..

Weight 70.6 kg
Total Mileage 41.0 miles
Long Run 22.0 miles
Long Run Pace 8:52
Days without alcohol 54

Don’t think the weight reflects the pigging out I’ve been doing since taper began. I’m beginning to get back some energy and can almost feel the start line.

Friday, 9th April – 16 days to go

It’s a cracking day which I’m taking as a rest day. Have a two hour run planned for Sunday as our fellow runners tackle Paris. Liz is away for a girly weekend so I go to Tony’s alone and have three circuits of upper body/core followed by a massage. Tony follows up on his promise to “get the thumbs in” but I must have recovered during the week as it’s quite bearable.

Not sure what to do with the weekend; there’s parkrun and football on Saturday. The garden needs attention and I’ve plenty of time for reading. Liz has just finished the sixth and final book in a series by Michelle Paver, but has no clear memory of the fifth. It’s a book aimed at kids and we’ve read the first one’s alongside Harry. I can remember fairly clearly the first three, but I’ve forgotten the fourth and don’t recall the fifth at all so decide to re-read the first five so I can put the finale into context.

Also there’s the golf from Augusta on telly. I have to confess I’m not a golf fan, but it does feel like Spring when this particular tournament is on the box so watch some of the coverage. Unfortunately the azaleas won’t be in bloom until next week, so the real feeling of Spring isn’t there. Hope they push it back next year or there’s no point watching.

Friday, 9 April 2010

Thursday, 8th April – 17 days to go

Distance training run club in the evening. For the first time it’s actually light when we get there. It makes a very pleasant change to start the session in natural light. We have a weigh in and everyone seems a tad lighter than when we started. Do some laps of the cricket field and some stretching before heading off down Gain Lane to repeat the 5k time trial that we did at the start of the course. Unfortunately, Tony can’t make it, Mark is injured and Barney is off enjoying the benefits of life as an academic so for me the sense of racing is missing. We set off in a handicap format and charge down Gain Lane, along the main road and up Woodhall. For the first time in ages I feel free enough to open out and run as quickly as I’m able. I wasn’t wearing a watch, but it felt around twenty minutes. This bodes well for parkrun on Saturday where I can either push myself by chasing after someone faster than me or give George a race.

This is Sophie’s last Thursday session before Paris so she takes an easy run with Liz. She seems confident and reasonably relaxed. Not sure I’ll be this tranquil in two weeks time. I’ve started to think about not getting injured but have decided this isn’t a good state as I’ve still got to get out there and do some miles before London.

Michael’s bought a new running vest for London which looks splendid (on Facebook). I hadn’t really given the vest any thought, just the shoes and socks. I’ll take a couple of vests/shirts and shorts/three quarters and see what the weather is like on the day.

Wednesday, 7th April – 18 days to go

Run a slow four and a half miles before breakfast. Don’t bother with the watch as it’s just about getting some slow miles into the legs. I seem to have a lot more time now I’m tapering. Listen to Marathon Talk – Tony’s not bothering with the taper then; running is an obsession and he’s got it bad. I’m enjoying not feeling the pressure of having to do a long run during the week. I guess what that says is I’m not a real runner who actually wants a long run, even needs a long run.

I’ve been catching up on reading. Read Ultra Marathon Man by Dean Karnazes in a couple of sittings. It’s an easy read and while being in awe of the guy’s achievements, I don’t feel at all inspired to take on any challenges greater than a marathon. This is for people who like training rather than who train to get fitter and live a healthier life. Also read the latest Nicci French What to do when someone dies. I read the first few Nicci French novels without realising it was the pseudonym for a married couple writing duo. Half way through the fifth or sixth I just thought “why am I reading this”? It was unremittingly depressing, I didn’t like the central character or feel any kind of bond with them and I couldn’t care less whether they had a good life or not. Liz has stuck with it though and said this one wasn’t too dark. It was unsatisfactory though, being formulaic and you were virtually told “who dunnit” early doors so there was no dénouement which I think is a necessity of the genre.

I’ve also been working through The Runner's Yoga Book by Jean Couch. Have only just got to the exercises as there’s a seemingly unending rant about the superiority of Hatha Yoga over (a) other forms of yoga and (b) dynamic stretching (the spawn of the devil, apparently). I haven’t yet found any evidence that the author (a) runs or (b) approves of running. I think if I can stick with the exercise programmes and ignore the diatribe it’ll be really useful. My sense of balance is sadly lacking though.

Tuesday, 6th April – 19 days to go

Recovery run? You must be joking. I have to hang on to the handrail as I totter up and down stairs. Even a recovery walk is out of the question. There’s no one particular part of my body that hurts, it’s just that it all feels stiff and not designed for movement. Things ease up a little during the course of the day.

No VARR session or monthly meal this evening as there’s football again – Huddersfield away. Away matches in Yorkshire are particularly trying. As a non-Northerner said recently, Lancastrians don’t seem to have any feeling of belonging, they’re just anti-Yorkshire. We have to suffer the “wit” of our own fans chanting as well as the defeat. At least I managed some sort of recovery walk as I’ve parked in the usual place – about 2 miles this side of the ground. My eldest is openly laughing at my gait which he likens to Long John Silver. I’m alright when I get going, but sitting for any length of time has me hobbling along. The picture of the athlete.

First day of tapering and I’ve done bugger all. Maybe I can get myself moving tomorrow.

Monday, 5 April 2010

Monday, 5th April – 20 days to go

Up early for the final long run of marathon preparation. Quick cuppa and then have a portion of veg curry and rice. Not sure of the wisdom of this, but I was just doing a sweep of leftovers in the fridge and fancied it.

The plan is to meet Michael at Armley Mills car park at 10.00 and then do an out and back twenty two miles on the canal at 8:45 pace with some 8:00's towards the end – 3:10 to 3:15 target time.

It’s a miserable, grey start to the day but no rain during the run, which turns out to be pretty close to what we set out to do. Tom’s training partner storms past us on the way out of Leeds and then comes back with no discernable slowing in pace. Not bad considering his top ten finish in the Guiseley Gallop the day before. Within a couple of miles I realise I’ve made a poor choice of shoe. I was expecting the canal towpath to be mostly soft and muddy. While there’s plenty of both of those, it’s also very hard and uneven and I can feel more of the ground under my feet than I would like. Perhaps it’s time to ditch my old trail shoes as I suspect the cushioning has now gone.

First ten miles are reasonably comfortable, but I’m looking for mile eleven turn round almost as soon as we’re through mile ten. Turn round at 1:39:00 and head back towards Leeds. Although it’s slightly downhill and the wind is no longer in our faces, the return leg is a lot harder. It’s no longer grey as the sun pokes through from time to time and this has brought out the ramblers, bikers and dog walkers so it’s a bit more crowded on the towpath as well. Tell myself that swerving round them will be good practice for London.

We make it back in 1:36:07 for a negative split. I’ve made no improvements in my judgement of pacing as I thought we’d come back slower. Thanks to Michael for the company, the stories and for choosing the route, bringing his Garmin and leading the way. The last few miles were painful – abs and adductors. On the plus side I never felt wanting with the breathing. All the usual niggly bits performed ok.

Followed the run with a stretching and massage session at Tony’s while Liz did a brutal core and upper body workout. Level 3 massage with left adductor a lot tighter than the right. Tony has promised to “get the thumbs in” and “go deeper” on Friday, so I’m going to have to do a lot of stretching in between to make it bearable.

How early is an adult allowed to go to bed? Decide that double figures is a target but may not make it past nine. Earlier I had a choice of football or cricket on telly to fall asleep in front of while ligging out on the sofa. Managed to nod off whilst not watching either.

Let tapering begin. Thank heavens I’ve got through the hard work phase without injury. As for running beyond marathon distance Nikos, no way that is ever going to happen. I’m not ultra material and I know it.

Sunday, 4th April – 21 days to go

Don’t do any marathon training today. Plenty of talk about marathons and reading about marathons but no actual running. It’s a lovely Easter Sunday and we pop out for lunch. I’m soon immersed in marathon talk with more experienced runners. Glean some information about what it’s like to run a marathon and how to approach it, but whether I can convert knowledge into a successful marathon experience is another matter. All I can do is run the first half at marathon pace, no faster, and trust that I can carry on to the end.

Sophie has pointed out that they’re serving wine and cheese at the 35km point in the Paris marathon, which sounds pretty civilized. Have a bizarre image of Mick being treated to haggis served with tatties and neeps at Lochaber. Hope there are no jellied eels at London. If I was fun running the Paris race I think I might manage to neck more than my fair share of wine but can’t see me being tempted if going for a target.

Today is a rest day so I do absolutely nothing physical that could be described as being helpful towards running a marathon. Hope tomorrow goes well with the last long run. Sounds like both Kay and Julie have had less than enjoyable last long run experiences.

Saturday, 3rd April – 22 days to go

Lousy nights’ sleep. No doubt this is a consequence of sleeping in for too long on Good Friday morning. Up early to help with setting up at parkrun. It’s an unpleasant start to the day. It’s chilly and grey with constant sapping drizzle as we set off, but has stopped raining by the time we get there. There’s a decent turnout of volunteers and soon we have the park looking ready to host the run. Not sure what time I ran as I didn’t wear a watch and we had problems uploading after the race. It seemed a wee bit faster than marathon pace.

Plenty of familiar faces. Bernie is up from Kent and Tony from Thursday run club too. They’ll be a lot closer to the front than me when the race kicks off. Ian turns up in what look like the gorilla feet from a fancy dress costume. His footwear is like gloves I think they’re called “five fingers” with protective individual toenails. Apparently this is barefoot running, which I had taken quite literally when I’d read about it. They must be ok though as he puts in a 40 second faster time than he did when traditionally shod a couple of weeks ago. They also make a great ice breaker once people see what he’s got on his feet.

In the evening I appear to have lost the ability to concentrate on anything. I remember reading and enjoying both “A Place of Greater Safety” and “Fludd” a few years ago, but when Liz handed over “Wolf Hall” by Hilary Mantel with a glowing testimonial I couldn’t get past the first dozen pages. Too many characters, too complicated and too much going on. Borrowed the latest Alex Rider off Harry and have finished it by Sunday lunch. Not sure if this is just being knackered from training or the onset of something more sinister.


Weight 70.7 kg
Total Mileage 50 miles
Long Run 20 miles
Long Run Pace 8:51
Days without alcohol 47

I can’t believe how little I’ve missed the alcohol. It must be just one of those things where if it’s in the house I’ll have it, but if it isn’t then it doesn’t bother me. I could definitely enter the World’s Hungriest Man competition though. I’m forever starving and snacking. Probably the only person in the world to have armchair supper of avocado yesterday evening.

Saturday, 3 April 2010

The Tenth Photo


Have managed six long runs (over 15 miles) so far with one to go. Mick had got eight on the original schedule, so will be just one short. I haven’t managed to do them all at the pace he’s suggested, but sometimes a long slow run just felt like the right thing to do.

Almost all have been along the A660 past this flipping mile marker. As I live on the A660 it will always be the start and end for my runs, but the off road tracks are calling me. I’ll not be sorry to get the trail shoes on and run on something softer. I like to run over to the Chevin and get onto the trails through the woods. I’ve wanted to get used to running on roads so I’ve left these jaunts out of my training. In any case I always get, not exactly lost, but not entirely sure where I am on the Chevin. Impossible to Memory Map afterwards and with no Garmin they’re not exactly the disciplined runs that I’ve needed as marathon prep. Can’t get off road until after the marathon though as I always end up on my arse and I can’t risk injury.

One of the good things/bad things about running from our house to Otley and then to Leeds and back (or vice versa) is I have to run right past our front door. The good thing is I can leave fluids/gels in the front garden and pick them up on the way past or discard clothes (not all of them) or empty bottles. The bad thing is the temptation to slack it off and put my feet up. I haven’t given in to that one yet.

And of course London always seems an awful long way off.

Friday, 2 April 2010

Friday, 2nd April – 23 days to go

Today I’m mostly doing limping and groaning. I’m also doing stalking – cyber stalking. Well, being nosey anyway. Had a quick look at the Paris marathon website. Is it just me or does anyone reading the site have to adopt a cod French accent when reading the info on the site? 40,000 runners. You get allocated a different coloured bib depending on your predicted finish time. Pink for 4hrs 30mins and over! Sophie is grey (4:15) and Russ is blue (3:30). Pacemakers will carry the same coloured balloons. Raisins, oranges and bananas every 5k – push a shopping trolley around and you could live for a week on healthy food! Route looks scenic. I’m envious, but I would be highly anxious if I was doing it as it’s only nine days away.

Chris does stalking (2). A couple of weeks ago I looked up the splits of runners who finished 2009 London Marathon within a couple of seconds of both 3:15 and 3:30 to see how they got there. Most did the first half a good bit quicker than the second half. 1 in 15 did a negative split. The same 1 in 15 ran consistently throughout. Thought I’d check out people I know who have run it. Tom, Helen and Mick all have amazing pacing skills. There is no significant variation in their 5k splits. Tom and Helen both have negative splits. I think it will be quite a motivator for me to run sensibly knowing that my splits will be made public. I also like the idea of having (GBR) after my name as it makes me sound like I’m an international. Long overdue.

Also had a quick look at the Lochaber marathon. Madness. Suspect Mick won’t manage a PB there or get a great deal of support along the way. I really like Fort William though so again a little envious.

Have a gym session at Tony’s; it’s Good Friday, but the man never rests. Do upper body and then he tries to get the lactic out of my legs. Says there’s still some tightness in the right hamstring as I manage not to whimper. I’ve loosened up through the course of the day and the massage has helped. Ready to go again on Monday for the last long run.

Thursday, 1st April – 24 days to go

OMG it’s April – marathon month. How did that happen? The reality is creeping in as we get nearer the date. I’m beginning to question the wisdom of not running the full distance before the day itself. Can’t get my head round the logic, but it’s too late now. I’ll have to think of it like driving before I’d passed my test; if all these other people can do it, then so can I.

Liz booked the accommodation for London last night. We did our usual thing of getting loads of accommodation information back when I was allocated the place and then became paralysed with too much information. All the places that looked attractive back when we got the info are now long gone. Oh well, things usually work out ok.

We’re going down on the Saturday morning and Liz and Harry are going shopping/sight seeing while George and I take in a match. Need to check out ticket availability and what George wants to do, but it’s looking like West Ham v Wigan. Not exactly mouth watering I know. I should like them, but I don’t really care for the Hammers. They have ideas above their station; they’re one of half a dozen deluded clubs who think they’re carrying the flag for “playing the right way”; they sacked Redknapp for no good reason; their treatment of Lampard is a disgrace; Julian Dicks; porno dwarf as co-owner. Come on you pie eaters! One thing’s for sure, we’ll be able to get into the away end no problem. Only other premier league match in London on the Saturday is Arsenal v Man City. Whilst this would be preferable (a) it’s a 5:30 kick off and (b) ticket availability is unlikely. We can’t drop down a division as QPR are away and Palace are at home on the Monday. I already watch enough lower league garbage so don’t want to watch Millwall or Brentford.

Decide to trade in my planned Sunday long run for a long run today and another on Monday. This means giving the distance training tonight a miss, but I don’t really fancy anything intensive and a short tempo along the canal will probably be a strain on the hamstring that I can do without.

Set off with Helen on a twenty miler Meanwood to Otley up and down the A660. It’s turned into cracking evening following a mixed day that has included a spot of horizontal sleet and a shower of bullet-like hail. The world looks a better place when it’s sunny and light in the evening. Seem to have spent the last few solo long runs searching for light in the darkness of insanity so running with company is a welcome change. Manage a good conversational pace all the way. Go past Tom & Paul coming up the hill faster than I can go down it and later James from parkrun/Valley Striders lost in the world of iPod.

The last four miles are tough and my hands are freezing by the end of the run. That’s another one ticked off – just one more long run to go then I can taper. Yippee!

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Wednesday, 31st March – 25 days to go

Rest day. Follow up a couple of threads of conversation we had in Caldos after Saturday parkrun.

We were considering how well VARR had done in the PECO cross country league and how we’d probably had fewer runners than most of the other teams. With apologies to Sam I thought I’d have a quick skeg at the stats.

In total, 192 ladies ran including 16 from VARR. Hamsa and Kay were ever present. Only 23 ladies ran all five races. Abbey (28) and Horsforth (25) had the highest number of runners. In total, 300 men ran from 17 different clubs. Ten clubs had 16 or more male runners. VARR had 13 male runners of whom Dave, Tom, Paul, Russ & Rick were ever present. I guess a core of regulars is the essence of a successful campaign. Ilkley Harriers had the most male runners with 36. Of course, the vital stat that I’m missing is the number of club members for each club. Don’t think that’s published. I get the impression that almost all the VARR members ran except those with Sunday commitments, but I don’t really know.

Liz was speculating how fast might I have been if I’d run when younger. I’m not one for thinking about what might have been, so I’m happy to have only taken up running later in life. If I was a similar age grading at 21 then I would have been looking at 5km of 16:27 and 10k of 34:15. As I was pretty wasted for almost all of my 21st year I can confidently say I wouldn’t have even considered running those distances, let alone at speedy times. I’d much rather speculate on how fast I can do this darned marathon.

Caught up on last week’s and this week’s Marathon Talk today. Seems like letting your mind wander isn’t a bad thing and can be helpful, so I’ll not feel guilty about doing that. Bit confused on the contradiction of pacing. If you can run to a set pace then you will get a set time; no surprises, but a great deal of satisfaction. If you set off like a lunatic you may (a) blow up and under-perform or (b) amaze yourself with an unexpected fast time. As this is my first marathon I’m duty bound to run to a set pace and hope I can maintain it throughout the run. I know I can’t set off too slowly just to achieve a negative split, but if I can achieve consistent splits that would help me to run a good time.

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Tuesday, 30th March – 26 days to go

I’d intended to get up really early for the long run but lacked the energy and motivation. Ended up dithering and then having to hurry to get on with it. It was a grey and drizzly start to the day and I decided to head into Leeds along the A660 and then out again to Otley and back. Still couldn’t get the water carrying right and ended up with a bottle in my pocket and another one in my hand with one in the front garden to pick up when I passed the house. Didn’t bother with a watch as I’ve decided that setting times and paces are counter productive on my solo long runs.

When I reach about as far from home as possible I find I’ve “shaken something loose” as they say. Spend the next five miles with buttocks clenched and no doubt a strange grimace as I fight nature. Fortunately, I win and make a quick dash into the loos at Golden Acre Park. Things are a whole lot easier after that. Make a mental note to get organised in future and stop procrastinating before long runs. End up with 18 miles in 2 hours 44 mins including the toilet stop. Wasn’t out quite as long as planned, but having gone past the house once, I didn’t have the energy to go past it a second time. If I ever do another marathon I’ll try and mix up my long runs with some solos, some with company and some as races. This has been the least enjoyable element of marathon preparation.

No VARR training session tonight as my eldest is making me take him to watch Oldham. I’d put the season tickets on eBay, but who’d buy them? Must admit though, it really makes me feel like a “glass half full” kind of guy when I listen to the moaners and whingers at Boundary Park. At least tonight we’ll get to see a decent player as Arsenal’s 4th choice keeper is on loan at Brentford. Apparently he’s a better prospect than the three clowns ahead of him in the pecking order at Arsenal. This may be the first “proper” player we’ve seen this season as Shelvey, the wunderkind at Charlton, was a sad and sorry disappointment. Maybe he just had an off day and will send us down on the last day of the season. The days when rising talent and fading stars graced the lower leagues are long gone. It’s just a collection of journeymen and drones now. The end of the season can’t come soon enough for me. Too early to start thinking about the World Cup I suppose, but I am beginning to get anxious about not having a World Cup wall chart yet.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

The Ninth Photo


Don’t know how everyone else is standing up to marathon training, but my toes feel pretty mashed at the moment. I still have all ten toe nails, but four of them won’t see the summer out. Apparently black toenails just means you have blisters under the nail. Only one of them is currently causing any discomfort. Generally, they’re not painful either when running or afterwards, but they’re sure not sightly. Sam Murphy alludes to the causes of black toe nails in Marathon from start to finish “Shoes that are too tight, or too big, can cause this”. No shit Sherlock, but how helpful is it?

The body is taking longer to recover or maybe I’ve just forgotten as you get loads of bumps and scrapes as a kid and as a youth obsessed with the beautiful game. I’ve still got a swollen ankle from my very first blog run and a mark where I barked my shin on a stile with a ludicrous piece of poor judgement back in December when reccying the Leeds Country Way.

If there’s nothing worse than my current ills then I should have done what the Marathon Talk boys say is half the battle – got to the start line in reasonably good nick.

The Eighth Photo


Jeez, I don’t half pull some faces. I’m going to have to practice going as fast as I can without grimacing as the race photographers tend to concentrate on the efforts in the final straight. It’s not like I was even trying to sprint as the hamstring wouldn’t stand for it. It’s good to be running in a vest again though rather than the three layers I’ve been wearing through the winter. There’s nowhere to hide though and I’m looking more tortoisian as I get older. Definitely a touch of the Deidre Langton/Barlow/Rashid neck there too.

Tried to download a pic from Wakefield 10k on Sunday but it must have been embedded with some sort of photography magic as it just wouldn’t have it. I look even more strained. Didn’t get anywhere near to catching Paul H on that one, even though his hamstrings are just as damaged as mine. On this one I managed to just stay ahead of Ian who’s on the road back to recovery from the knee op.

Just two more long runs and I can taper. I’m looking forward to upping the intensity as I cut down the mileage. Not sure I can increase my leg speed this close to the marathon or even what good it would do me, but I have enjoyed the 10ks these last two Sundays. I need to make a conscious effort to pick my feet up as I’ve started trudging especially on long runs.

Monday, 29 March 2010

Monday, 29th March – 27 days to go

Go for a slow jog in the morning. Just three miles to get the legs turning over. Looks like we’ve seen the best of the day as it’s cold and miserable by the time I’ve finished.

I’ve received a second magazine from VLM and this one seems to have some fairly detailed stuff about the event. How to get to the start, where to meet afterwards, good spectating spots etc. Read it cover to cover and this is what I’ve learned so far.

• They’ve abandoned the guaranteed place to those who have entered the ballot on five consecutive occasions and been rejected each time. This is bad news for us as there was at least a guarantee that Liz would get a place eventually.

• The “normal” ballot opens on 4th May 2010 for next year’s marathon.

• I can watch a video of Liz Yelling opening her Lucozade gel on the Lucozade website. This is not as daft as it sounds as I still can’t get the hang of ripping the top off. The Lucozade lady was at parkrun on Saturday and I’m even more stocked up on their products than before.

• There are free Lucozade gels after fourteen and twenty one and a half at VLM.

• Free Lucozade sports drinks (in bottles) at five, ten, fifteen, nineteen and twenty three miles.

• Bottles of water at every mile marker from three through to twenty five. It’s a fine line though, as they warn against dehydration from not enough water on the one hand and hyponatraemia from too much water on the other.

• Run through showers at nine, thirteen, seventeen, nineteen, twenty two and twenty three & a half miles.

• Toilets every two miles

• 5k markers which recognise your chip and have large display clocks

• Free travel for runners on the tube and DLR on race day

• My number is 11459, meaning I start from the blue start

• Liz can track me round the course with the Adidas waptracker. She’ll get a text each time I pass a 5k marker
• It’ll take me a minimum of twenty minutes to get from the finish line to the post run meeting point

• You have to use the official kit bag to stow your warm clothing and anything else you take to the start

• Average finish time in 2009 was 4:41

I’ll read through the stuff again, but I’m beginning to get a feel for it and it’s becoming a bit more real. Not sure how I’ll be able to run with either Michael or Helen if we’re starting from different places or are in different pens.

I miss my gym session with Tony as I have to wait in for the IT guy. He manages to be four and a half hours late this time. Aim to post my blog daily from now on. I usually write it in Word with a view to editing later, but never seem to get round to doing editing so just post what I’ve written. Given the unreliable state of my IT I’ll just have to write straight to blog in future.

Caught up with Michael’s blog – sounds like they also had wind on Merseyside. Great times then for Michael, Kay, Paul W & Harp. Fantastic time for David from parkrun in the M55 category. Also caught up with Julie’s blog; the Preston run sounds like not the best of preparation, but quite an experience.

Sunday, 28th March – 28 days to go

You’d have to be a real f*!*wit to forget that the clocks went forward an hour last night. Double that if you’re a couple. We did. I was up reasonably early (I thought) for a spot of porridge, watched the end of the Grand Prix from Melbourne – isn’t Lewis Hamilton a prat? You’d think Jenson Button would be too, but he always comes across as a nice boy. We decided to leave early for the Wakefield 10k - 8.15 for a 9.50 start. That would give plenty of time to find parking and the start point and then register, chat with people we know and warm up. By the time we realised the clocks had gone forward it was 8.55. A mad scramble and relatively traffic-free roads had us there for 9.30. Found a parking spot v. close to the start that everyone else had overlooked. In the queue for registration by 9.40. They delayed the start anyway as there were loads of people registering on the day.

I started off closer to the front than I’d have liked and ran 4:03 for the first k. Started to climb after the first 500m and it was uphill for the next 2k. Then down for another 500m and up for the next 2k. I went through 5k in 21:15. It’s an out and back, so mostly downhill on the way back. All the way out we were running into a head wind. I’m prepared to believe we had the benefit of a tail wind on the way back, but I can’t say I was aware of it. Just behind James from parkrun/Valley Striders on the way out. He clearly doesn’t like the uphill bits either. See Will from Bedes and Daniel from parkrun on the way back. Blimey, I’m 400m ahead of Deadly Hedley at the 5k mark – he must have set off late. I expect him to storm past anytime. See Marie from VARR and Sarah guiding Louise, the blind lady that Lisa guided last week at the Bradford 10k. Small world. Liz is looking strong when we cross and has Arthur and Diane in hot pursuit.

James gradually pulls away from me and Paul goes past me with about 300m to go. 41:20ish – I still haven’t got internet access so will have to wait for the official time. Good negative split, better time than the previous Sunday and in more testing conditions. Marie isn’t far behind and Liz finishes in 1:04. Arthur finishes with his customary sprint finish going past three others just before the line. All in all, a good race, though I would have preferred a less manic pre race prep.

Nipples. What’s all that about? Why do men need nipples anyway? I only ask because mine are sore. Chafed. I think it’s the combination of a running vest that isn’t really “technical” and moisture. Mostly sweat, though I did have a good soak at the water stop – bottles instead of paper cups, which made a pleasant change. I’ll need to plaster up for the marathon. It’s borderline fetishistic, but the chafing is unpleasant especially after the race if you don’t whip your vest off straight away. I remember my first vets race in York last year when it absolutely siled it down and at the end there was a group of three guys in their sixties all with nipples bleeding through their white running vests. Yuk.

Also, I’ll have to wear a cap. I got sweat in my eyes today and although it was sunny, it wasn’t what you’d call warm. Was behind a lady with a “Clima Control” cap on at the start, so I’ll see if I can get something specifically aimed at running.

In retrospect, in terms of my marathon training I’d have been better off running a longer distance – either the half marathon in Liverpool or the seventeen miler in Preston. I only ran this because it was a VARR club championship race, but if I ever do another marathon I’ll be looking to run more longer races and do fewer solo long runs.

Saturday, 27th March – 29 days to go

Don’t sleep well and I’m up early for porridge and parkrun. Arrive warmed up as Liz drops me off part way but with no clear idea of how I want to run. When we get there we find that we’re desperately short of volunteers. We all help with the setting up, then Sam and Liz step into the breach as Sam starts the race and Liz is timekeeper. Sam gets to run, but only after giving the rest of us a couple of minutes start. I get off to a surprisingly quick start – the running in and then warming up before the start really works for me. If I don’t do it, it takes me the first ten minutes to get up to pace. Run round with Dave and Ellie at a touch faster than my marathon pace and half a minute slower than last week, but still a good time. Sam overtakes us near the end and I make him work to stay ahead for the last couple of hundred metres.

A few others do volunteering rather than running and we’re treated to some excellent support from Pamela Lamarro who really gets into the swing of things. We’ll get there earlier next week and help with the set up as it was a little chaotic this week.

Weight 71.0 kg
Total Mileage 27 miles
Long Run 7 miles
Long Run Pace 8:00
Days without alcohol 40

A low key, low mileage week. The closest I get to a long run is the Tuesday evening session with VARR which was fast but disjointed as we stopped to do intervals in the middle of the session. I have one long run planned for this week plus a final long run a week tomorrow. I’m making a deliberate effort to eat more carbs and with only another eight days before taper I’m expecting to put some weight back on before the VLM.

Friday, 26th March – 30 days to go

I’ve just checked my mileage for the week. Although I’ve had to just guess for both the Tuesday and Thursday sessions, it’s only about 21 miles. I’ll just do the 5k on Saturday, so even with a generous warm up and cool down that will be a pathetic 28 miles for the week if I don’t run today. I have no idea what distance to run or what the purpose of the run would be other than to up my mileage for the week. The Marathon Talk boys and Steve at yesterday’s session bang on about always having a purpose for any training run.

After some deliberation, I decide that looking at seven day blocks gives a false impression. I have long runs planned for next Monday and the following Sunday, so over a period I’ll have enough miles in my legs. I can run today if I want to just for the sheer pleasure of having a run. I have a gym session with Tony booked for later today and also have to fit in being around for the IT guy so I may run to Tony’s place or back depending on how things go. If it happens I can get some off road running and the far side of Yeadon is between five and six miles.

As it happens, the IT guy lets me down yet again. What is it about people who “fix” home computers? Why is it that I have to rely on someone who’s clearly incompetent and who I’d steer well clear of in other aspects of my life? Isn’t there anyone in the Leeds area who can make home computers work who’s reliable and personable? If there is, they’re doing a good job of not being found. How can someone rearrange a visit at the last minute, fail to show, turn up one hour and forty five minutes late and then say “sorry I’m a little late” when they eventually arrive? Rant over. Thanks to Liz for dealing with him and giving up her gym session.

I don’t get a run today but do manage an upper body and core work out and get the hamstrings massaged.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Thursday, 25th March – 31 days to go

After a warm sunny day in Leeds/Wakefield we head off for our evening distance training group session in Bradford. We’re at the Horsfall Stadium again and although we set off in plenty of time we still get there late. I must be some sort of traffic magnet as the roads seem clear until I get there, then suddenly I’m surrounded by other cars that don’t appear to be going anywhere.

True to form, it starts to rain when we get out of the car. Steve is already into his pre-session talk when we meet up with the others. We’re doing a pyramid session with runs at about 5k pace or slightly quicker. 200 metres then the same jogging, 400 metres then the same jogging, 600 metres then the same jogging, 400 metres then the same jogging, and finally 200 metres and a cool down. Steve talks about the difference between aerobic workouts and anaerobic workouts. It seems to make perfect sense when he’s speaking, but as soon as he finishes I have no idea what kind of session this is. I must have the attention span of a goldfish. It’s just like being at secondary school again.

When we head back out the rain has got heavier. Bradford must have it’s own monsoon-like micro climate as there’s standing water on the football pitch and the rain doesn’t let up for the whole session. After a warm up and the session starts I decide to follow Tony and Adrian (what’s he doing back in our group?) and let them determine the appropriate pace. I’m not really on it and can’t ever seem to quite keep up with them. I can still feel some tightness in the hamstring, but it’s not as bad as it was. Despite the rain, I’d have liked to be out there longer, but I know that the talking about what we’re doing is important as well.

The building intensity into my training isn’t going as well as I’d have hoped. The niggle with the hamstring has been inconvenient. Also, last Sunday’s 10k and next Sunday’s 10k at Wakefield have replaced long runs and that probably wasn’t in the best interests of my marathon training. Still, it’s a compromise as I have other objectives from running as well as running a good first marathon. When I hear about the first marathon times of runners who are loads quicker than me I’m quite encouraged as I think I’ll be closer to my optimum time. Worryingly, I’ve already started to think that because of my nature and outlook I’m probably better suited to an autumn marathon. Isn’t Rick planning on running Nottingham this autumn?

Wednesday, 24th March – 32 days to go

No ill effects from pushing it yesterday. It’s another inactive day. One thing from reading the Sam Murphy book is that she advises runners over fifty to only run on alternate days. Studies show that we take longer to recover. Not just me being a lazy bugger then.

I’ve been thinking of having my name on my running vest. People tell me it’s really uplifting to hear your name shouted when you’re really struggling. But it isn’t as straightforward as it seems. Whenever someone shouts “Come on Chris” at a race I’m looking all over the place to see who it is. Imagine that with a load of strangers shouting it; I’d never get anywhere. Then there’s the “Dave factor”; can’t really see me acknowledging a crowd and getting some banter going whilst running, but you are encouraging a two way interaction that could be a distraction. How would I know whether I was getting encouragement from people who know me or just total strangers? What if I was running alongside someone else called Chris and people were shouting encouragement to them not me? I’d be acknowledging their shouts and then feel a right berk when I realised they weren’t shouting for me at all. I went out with someone called Chris (a girl!) for a while and I just couldn’t hack it. It’s not like Sparatcus; I’m Chris and there’s no room for another. Alright, that was thirty years ago, but some things don’t change.

Of course I could get a nickname printed instead of my real name. But I don’t have a nickname. In my late teens and early twenties I had a pretty good nickname that I did my best to live down to. But what was right then certainly isn’t right now and there’s no going back as they say. I could invent a nickname, but how sad would that be? Most people with a nickname that’s not related to their surname have a nickname that refers to some sort of physical anomaly. Whilst I’ve got no shortage of those, it’s not really something I want shouted at me by strangers.

On reflection, I think I’ll pass on the vest name printing thing.